Being of Likeness

Is it me or is everything getting more tiring?

I know it’s approaching the end of the year; the days are getting shorter, it’s darker when you wake up and it always seems to be raining. But does it have to be such an extra strain?

I blame most of it on myself, I realise that - on one hand I am exercising more; I’m going out for a 5 mile run every morning and again when I get home. It’s just not possible to keep that pace up continuously and there is the exhaustion factor. Especially as I’m not exactly eating more to keep up with it.

The other part is work - I’m a contractor, so for my employers to be able to justify paying me such ridiculous amounts of money I have to be worth it. But of late that seems to be in the region of taking on yet more and more responsibility. I got yet another job title on Monday - I’m officially a Project Manager for a specific 1-year scheme. Which is great; it potentially means more money, more purpose and a longer contract length if it goes through. What it definitely does mean is that I’m going to be that much more busy. I’m not complaining, but as I said, this is one of about 5 jobs that I do here, including Project Co-ordinator on another project, Management Lead, Lead for the Information project and many moooooooooore…!!

I don’t complain about the work. I like to work - it’s worthwhile and justifies my getting paid. But I am so tired that if I stop typing, I will be found several hours later with my head firmly on this desk snoring….!

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I’ve been getting into this whole fitness thing - I’ve lost weight, eat right and walk everywhere. And it shows.

But what I needed to get to the next stage is a gadget. I bought myself an ipod nano and the nike+ kit and then eventually got hold of a pair of the magic shoes that tell me where I’ve been. I’ve taken them out a few times now; there’s a run/walk across the hills near where I live and it’s pretty hard because there’s a lot of steep bits, but it’s a good circular route.

I’m hooked on the iNike kit - it panders both to the gadget nut in me, the music listener, AND the slightly compulsive information bandit. It automatically graphs it for me, gives me stats on average speed, distance, time, calories and lets you listen to music! I’m using iTunes to sync it to the Nike website, and a separate program called TrailRunner, which maps all of my routes and gives me exact distances and topographical information and also lets my sync the runs to a specific route.

I’m impressed - mainly because this has kept my interest over a much longer period than the wiifit did. As much as I like the WiiFit, the ‘games’ soon become repetitive and there isn’t enough of a challenge. I’m sure it works fine for some people, but I’m probably not one of them.

I’ve added a little widget which shows my last 5 runs using the iNike. Going to try and stick it in my sidebar without screwing up the whole page…

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As you go through life, you tend to pick up tips on how to get by, what to do, what to not do but I feel that it’s about time that I shared this wealth of knowledge. In this edition, it’s about work.

We work for around 45 years of our life out of school and 5 days a week, 8 hours a day comes to around 9.58 years of our life at work. And that doesn’t include travelling time, getting up early so you don’t get there late, and then working late anyway! That’s a long part of our life to spend cooped up in a place you don’t like. So here are my tips for getting by:

1. Don’t call your manager a wanker. It doesn’t matter how much you spin it, apparently it doesn’t count as ‘constructive criticism’. (Even if you explain that ‘not being a wanker’ would be really constructive). The same goes for ‘idiot’, ‘dumbass’ and on one memorable occasion, ‘brainless munchkin from hell’.

2. If you decide to make an angry statement at a meeting and storm out, first make sure that you plan your exit strategy. Nothing makes less of a point than having to stop to say “sorry, was that your foot?”, “excuse me” or “sorry was that your other foot?”. The same goes for remembering to take your belongings with you; going back for your phone or wallet dilutes the power.

3. Explaining in simple terms, the idea or project that you’ve been working on for months is no easy task. Even the most complex part must be reduced to it’s barest summary so that it can be presented and at times it’s like trying to explain calculus to a bunch of illiterate monkeys. Under no circumstances should you mention that part to the executive board committee. The same goes for making the analogy that they are idiots in suits.

4. Regardless of how many times they say “go on, tell us that joke, it doesn’t matter how dirty it is”, do not tell that joke. It does matter. It really does. The shocked faces of everyone in sight is the only outcome. Don’t tell it. Especially if it’s that one about the monkey. The same goes for the  one with the man and his arm covered in oil.

5. If the IT department says that any migration of services will involve no disruption and no noticeable problems, then you can assume that you will never be able to access any of your files/emails/contacts ever again. And that’s the best case scenario. Frankly you’ll be lucky if it doesn’t screw up the phones system at the same time. The same goes for any ‘minor’ office refurbishments; they say they’re adding a few filing cabinets, but you might as well say goodbye to your desk, your chair and any pens left out on your desk!

Follow these 5 simple rules and with any luck you’ll be able to shut your eyes, grit your teeth and wait til you retire!

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I have too much choice, we all do.

It must be symptomatic of the way we are all able to live our lives now that people can’t make choices, or decisions and end up taking the path of least resistance.

Look at me. I went out at the weekend to buy a diary, actually two; one for what I’m going to do, one for what I’ve done. But that’s only a fraction of the choice that is available. I like writing things down on paper, it gives that feeling of permanence. But I could have written it on my laptop, I could have posted it to my blog or even recorded it on my camera…on my work computer, on my phone, my work phone, the pda I was bought…

It’s the same with everything. Cameras - I’ve been out walking and suddenly realised that I had 3 different items that were able to take photos; a phone, a camera and at a pinch, the isight on my macbook! It’s convergence, but as everything is converging to cover all bases, we will start ending up with multiple items fulfilling the same options. And once you’ve taken your photo, you could upload it to flickr, myspace, facebook and any number of online galleries, let alone printing them out, storing, archiving, saving, blowing up, photoshopping… In this way, madness lies.

Everyone is a provider - computer manufacturers make phones, phone manufacturer makes computers and tvs, tv manufacturers make mp3 players, mp3 manufacturers make flash memory and everything, EVERYTHING has a photo viewer, an mp3 player, a camera and Internet access!!

So I’ve bought a nice, A5 hardback diary…and a biro. Technology can just suck it!

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I might complain about work, but it’s not that bad, is it?

There are always a lot of emails to send, a lot of budgets to be worked out, people to annoy for really technical information, more acronyms than it’s possible for the human mind to acknowledge and spreadsheets that stretch to infinity, but it’s not that bad, is it?

Well…no, not really. I get paid, and that’s always better than not getting paid; I do work, but it’s not knackering; I don’t have to wear a uniform or a poloshirt with the company logo on and did I mention that they pay me? No, it’s not what I want to do, ultimately. But until that comes along, it’ll do. 

And how bad can a job be, when we get a visit from an ice cream van every day!!

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I’m not entirely sure, but I think I have a stalker.

I always thought I’d be flattered that someone wanted to follow me, even if it was in that disturbing, underhand way, but oddly enough it’s not that comforting. Apparently my creep factor is trumping my desire for acceptance, regardless of the source.

I only noticed her a week or so ago, but it was that point where it turned from a casual coincidence, to a realisation that she was everywhere. We take the same train in the morning - fair enough. We both take lunch at lunchtime - not a big shock there. But then there was the train home, nipping into the same newsagents, same sandwich shop etc. I’ll glance around when I’m walking from the office and she’ll be there.

It’s beginning to weird me out a little.

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People would be a lot happier if they worried less.

One of my favourite phrases is: I’m not paranoid, there actually IS someone out there trying to get me! The same goes for worrying; it’s mostly unnecessary unless there is something that needs to be worried about. Obviously that degree of necessary varies from person to person, but the point still stands.

Like everything in life, the easiest path is the one in the middle - not overworrying, but not assuming that everything is going to go okay either. Like a politician, sticking his fingers in his ears and picking out the budget by flipping a coin, you assume that every action will affect some people positively, some negatively, but for most, things won’t change. 

Someone at work was panicking because while talking to someone who was a muslim, she had asked for their ‘christian name’. Now she could have asked for her forename, her given name or even her first name. But worrying over how the person would react seems over the top. If you’re looking for pseudo-religious words that have made their way into common usage, just look at the word ‘bloody’ as in “this bloody printer isn’t working”. This word actually comes from an insult in shakespearian times, “S’blood” or Christ’s blood. 

It’s just not worth it. So here’s my guide as to how people should worry:

Worry should be distributed normally as shown in the diagram below. The red area should be avoided.

Hope that clears things up :P 

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Was up in London on work recently and went for a walk.

You’ve got to feel sorry for failed actors; they try so hard and end up on the street, literally. This one was next to the Thames, being Charlie Chaplin.

No, sorry Mr Actor Person, you won’t be in the next Bond film. No Shakespeare for you. Try harder next time.

 
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Phew, glad that’s over.

Had to go up to London for a meeting for work. In my role, I have to do work in a lot of different areas, but this isn’t one of them. The offices were nice though - brand new, all very nicely done up and lunch provided for us.

Had to work hard to take notes because none of the 5 other people from work were able to go. Was very informative, but also very dull. Some people really shouldn’t do public speaking; they just aren’t entertaining enough. It was quite funny watching the speaker who did his presentation ably enough, but when he had to think on his feet he shut his eyes, for about 30 seconds at a time.

Home now though. And I have the weekend to recover before I have to write up and distribute my notes. View was good though, got a load of photos on my way back to the station.

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